Consider The Lilies

The Daring Dr. Darrin

2011-01-12T19:03:00.000-08:00

Editorial Commentary On The Pictures Shown Above:'

#1 Dr. Darrin is testing my Intelligence Quotient {you may know this as IQ, but I prefer to show that I know how to spell it}. I think the moment I walked into his office he knew he didn't have to worry about injuring any gray matter as he laid his plans to pop my neck.

#2 Dr. Darrin instructed me to lay on my back and to ignore the camera that was set up in his office. As you can see, I could not follow the basic, preliminary instructions and not only laid on my STOMACH, but DID NOT ignore said camera. I assumed I was the most gorgeous 66 year old senior citizen he had ever had as a patient, overlooking my cankles, limp in my right leg, sagging on my left side where my arm and hand have been numb for about a month now, and was so wowed that he lost all his senses and thus wouldn't notice my disregard of his instructions. I always have that affect on men and assumed he would follow suit.

#3 After attempting to give me further complicated instructions such as "relax", and his energy spent, he sat down and as you can see, put his head in his hands and was mumbling "why me, Lord? Why me?"

Back to the gray matter issue: At one point Dr. Darrin told me to wiggle my toes. Simple mind that I have been given in this life, I cheerfully did as I was told, whereupon he proceeded to crack my neck. I was stunned, but when he told me to wiggle my toes AGAIN, {this is where my IQ comes into play}, I DID it. And he cracked my neck again! As the old saying goes "fool me once I'm a fool, fool me twice I'm an imbecile." So if this were a multiple choice quiz what would your answer be?

All levity aside Dr. Darrin is daring in his approach to chiroquacktery, but he's also darling and dreamy. I had been in so much pain that I could only lie on my back. My other quackter was lifting up on my neck a bit each appointment and not helping me at all. After the 2nd time with him I had a little less pain and told him that. His response was not "oh, that's good". No his response was "tell your friends."

Dr. Darrin saved my life. Picture in your mind a cartoon you've seen from time to time where one of the characters is slapping another one, throwing him to the ground, stomping on him, giving him a full body slam and that pretty much sums up my first visit with him. He is still telling me to wiggle my toes and he still cracks my neck after I wiggle, but I'm grateful for every single bit of torture he sees fit in inflict upon me.

Thank you, Dr. Darrin, for being so darn daring and darling.

P.S. I think Lame is a bit jealous and boy am I taking advantage of that! and...there really wasn't a camera in the office! and...Dr. Darrin really has dark, thick hair.
Love, Lily - Lovin' Life

Another Year Older And Deeper in Bed

2011-01-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

Just relaxing here on my sofa bed before I turn it into a bed bed. So, I just had a birthday and turned 66. Can we talk?

That doesn't sound like a good number to me...something about 2 sixes plus 1 being the mark of the devil. Some things get better with age, like cheese. Cheese I am not. Some things get rotten with age....need I say more.

All seriousness aside, I don't feel a year older even though everyone and everything in the universe IS a year older. I don't look a year older...I still have my youthful 65 year old wrinkles, white hair, sagging boobs, hanging chads {use your imagination on that one}, and cankles {ankles that are so large that they just look like part of your calves}.

It has been a year of growth, however: The fat under my arms has grown, my double chin has grown, the bags above my eyes have grown, the fog in my brain has grown. So all things considered, it's been a pretty good year.

I try to look on the positive side of things: I'm still able to pee, in the toilet, not in my Depends; My eyesight is still good enough to see what size Hershey bar I'm about to binge on and how many calories are going to go right to my hips and thighs; I'm able to walk without groaning approximately 1 day out of each week; it only takes me 30 minutes to get up from a sitting position; I've improved my ability to do nothing most of the day and still manage to feel an onset of fatigue at around 8:00 p.m. I try to get deep in bed so Lame can't see a bulge and looks all over the house for me.

Then around 11:00 p.m. my life on the wild side begins. I'm up and rarin' to go. I meet Max at the refrigerator door about 11:15 and kiss his moist lips. I hang out with Dell in the den for a couple of hours. Sometimes I Snicker a couple of times after I open Lame's chocolate binge drawer, which is conveniently located right by Dell. And if I'm really feeling adventurous I wander around the house aimlessly for a while.

So, long story longer, and to show off my poetic ability,
I'm another year older and deeper in bed
Until insomnia rears it's ugly head.

Love, uh, ummm, hmm, uh...oh, I forgot my memory gotten a little worse.

Our Reality Show

2010-11-27T02:42:00.000-08:00

Lily & Lame

Keeping Up With The Hansens

I'm assuming all of you have heard of the reality show "Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I've heard of it, but never watched it and hope I never have the misfortune of even stumbling upon it while surfing for shows. I know the women are drop dead gorgeous and they have fame and money, and I guess the show is portraying their lives and the things they have to do, places they have to go, and shopping sprees, etc. I started thinking about having an Unreality Show about keeping up with Lame and I. So here goes. See if you think you're up to it:

A typical morning is me getting up {first feat of the day} and making SlimFast Protein Shakes for the two of us. I take them up the stairs so we can drink them while watching Fox News. After I wipe the sweat off my brow from climbing said stairs, I plop down and we drink. Oh, yeah, Basha is in on this Breakfast of Champions also.

We both get dressed, not together, however. I run my fingers through my hair and throw on a bit of make up. Lame looks good without it and doesn't have much hair to run his fingers through. Then we begin our individual marathons. He goes and sits at the kitchen table and begins to read to see how long he can sit there at one time. I get in my comfy chair in front of the television and start my job of crocheting my brains out. Lame takes short breaks to get some food to eat out of the pantry, which is, by the way, about 10 steps away from the table. Boy, I just don't know how he has the energy to do it! I do periodically throw in a load of laundry while on my break from my job and sometimes am forced to work on the computer for a while...shopping online {tires me out} and playing Spider Solitaire {keeps my brain active but very draining emotionally.} Are you keeping up with us?

After our exhausting workouts, we start thinking where we would like to go to eat lunch, or, heaven forbid, if there's something in the house that I could dust off the stove and cook. Gourmet restaurants being few and far between in Fox Lake and in our budget, we opt for BK or Macs or a "Breakfast All Day" restaurant.

Run home and are pooped so it's almost time for naps. We do manage to watch tv again for a while, even though it is quite strenuous to push the button on the remote control. Usually Lame does it because he's the stronger of the two of us.

Break time over, it's back to our full time jobs....reading and crocheting. We are truly slave drivers and force ourselves to work overtime doing these things and the kicker is that we don't get paid for the overtime...or the regular hours, for that matter.

We do have places to be during the day. Lame has to watch the jobless report early in the mornings, I have my job as movie critic for the Lifetime Movie Network, and we both have early evening and evening appointments with Bret Baier and Bill O'Reilly. Sometimes we're so busy working that we almost miss them. But we're troopers and do our best to keep up with this busy schedule. And this is Monday through Friday, mind you.

We all know what the evening brings....bedtime. As soon as it's dark we start deciding what time we'll call it a day. At our age, we know we'll be up and down all night going to the bathroom, so we usually try to get an early start. Plus we need all the strength we can get to get up and begin our busy schedule again the next day.

Oh, and I almost forget. We have two area rugs that keep moving around every time we walk on them and we have to bend over to straighten them ALL DAY LONG! Whew!!!

Hope you can keep up with us.
Love, Lily & Lame

A Truly Convenient Strip Mall

2010-11-21T13:51:00.001-08:00

First of all, may I say that I hate the term "strip mall". What does it mean really? Do women {or men for that matter}, strip there? Can you purchase "strips" of things? Do they pat you down and "strip" YOU? Is their goal to "strip" you of your money? Looks like the one in the picture above on the right has been "stripped" of it's customers and stores. Is that what a strip mall is? You tell me!

Saturday on the way to the temple, Glenn and I drove past a little strip mall that we used to pass frequently when we lived in the temple president's house. One of the first times we saw it I cracked up and from then on, each and every time we drove by it I would chuckle to myself. These are the stores that are in that mall:
Sushi Restaurant, Medical Clinic, Attorney's Office, and a Dry Cleaning Business, pretty much in that order. As I glanced down the row of businesses I put this "little" scenario together in my "little" mind:
You go out for a nice night on the town and eat at the Sushi Restaurant. While there you get food poisoning from eating raw fish and throw up all over yourself. Conveniently, there is a Medical Clinic next door so you can walk a few feet and get treated for said malady. While thinking of how much this bill is going to be, you decide you're going to sue the restaurant and, once again, conveniently there is an Attorney's Office a few more feet away. Sitting there dreaming of all the money you will get from said lawsuit, you decide to run next door and get your clothes dry cleaned so you can go home decent, at least on the outside, I'm not making a judgment call on how you are on the inside.

And so, no matter what a strip mall's true purpose is, in my "little" mind, this one is a Truly Convenient Strip Mall!

Our Shoes Were Made For Walking

2010-11-13T09:49:00.001-08:00

Our shoes were made for walking,

And that's just what we did.

There was visiting and talking,
Young and old, adult and kid.

Last Saturday we walked for adoption. The weather was beautiful, there was a great turnout, Christy and Holly planned everything so well. We all had a great time and can't wait until next year where they will hold the 2nd Annual Walk For Adoption.

{My only wish is that I could freakin' figure out how
to get pictures in the right places on my blog}

Conclusions Are Oftentimes Illusions

2010-11-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

I was watching a thriller show on Lifetime Movie Network a few nights ago. I won't bore you with the details of the whole show, but in the end the villainess gets shot or stabbed or something, and is lying on the floor eyes closed, not moving, with blood all over her face. Fading away from that scene you see a relieved victim whom she had harassed. The camera goes back to her on the floor and gradually begins to pull away....and wonder of wonder, she opens her eyes. End of movie. So while we had all come to the conclusion that she had met her demise, that conclusion ended up being an illusion. And so the premise of my theory.

We "draw" conclusions, "come to" conclusions, "make" conclusions, "jump to" conclusions. If you really think about it, we conclude a lot of things in our lives without really being aware of the affect it has on us. Some of our conclusions are positive, others are negative. Just a few examples:

*Many times in my life I have come to the conclusion that I am a loser. But then when I am reminded that God loves me and Christ died for me, I realize that conclusion is an illusion.
*Having dealt with depression for many years, every time I come out of it and feel good, I reach the conclusion that I will never have to go through it again. Sadly, that conclusion is, too, an illusion.
*At the beginning of a new year when I used to make resolutions, I would think "this is the year I'm going to be successful in keeping all of them." Eventually, when failure came, I drew the conclusion that keeping resolutions is an illusion.
*Have you ever judged someone else's behavior and then jumped to the conclusion that they were arrogant, or misguided, or just plain wrong. How do we ever know these things for sure. And who are we to judge? They may see us the same way even though we don't see ourselves like that. And so I ask: Could these conclusions be illusions?
*What about when we draw a conclusion that we will never overcome a bad habit? Do we gloss over the fact that sometimes we can abstain from it and just focus on the times when we indulge in it? If we look at both our strengths and weaknesses, we can come to the conclusion that we're not all bad and we're not all good, just humans with a natural man that sometimes gets the upper hand. Now here's a twist: That conclusion is not an illusion...it is a fact. Remember I said "Conclusion are OFTENTIMES illusions.

Being aware of these conclusions that we make or draw or come to, will we ever get to the point where we eliminate them from our lives? I would offer that we won't because life on this earth requires us to judge things that happen to us, around us, or in us. That's how we make our choices. Our job is to learn to draw realistic conclusions that are not tainted by feelings of anger, jealousy, inferiority, or insecurity.

I've reached the conclusion that I should end this blog and that is based on reality and is not an illusion.
Love, Lily

Odds & Ends

2010-10-27T15:50:00.001-07:00

Odds {Lily, Lame & Basha} & Ends

*What are the odds that Lily really ended her love affair with Max?
*Is it just my imagination, or am I really getting odder as my life gets closer to the ender?
*Does anyone really know what someone means when they say "I'm just taking care of some odds and ends"?
*If you put an "n" in front of odds and a "b" in front of ends, it becomes nodds and bends...I think that's what Queen Elizabeth does when she stands in a reception line and greets people as she curtsies.
*Personally I think it's odd that they call our butts rear ends. Our body doesn't really end there.
*When you end up with a challenge, what are the odds that you'll come out victorious?
*Isn't it odd that if you love straight hair you end up with curly hair?
*Oddly enough, when we're old and senile and our life is about to end, we're usually childlike.
*I've always thought it odd that if you have only one skein of yarn to make a scarf, you get to the end of the yarn just before you get to the end of the scarf.
*What are the odds that Janis and Betty will end their SASS Club? Zilch, zero, not an issue, not going to happen, why did I even include this one!
*Wouldn't it be odd if I never ended this post and went on odding and ending forever?
*Oddly enough, I think I've run out of odds and ends. Lucky for you!
Love, Odd Lily

It's Hard Work Breaking Into A Bank

2010-10-24T08:14:00.001-07:00

Nobody ever said being a bank robber was an easy job. Oh, no! You have to earn everything you confiscate after you get in. Breaking in takes ingenuity, brains, brawn, a few tools, and a vivid imagination. But, as with everything else in life, you must persevere and never give up. Positive affirmations help a lot too. Like: I AM a successful bank robber. I HAVE everything in the bank in my possession. I CAN complete the job.

I'm sure you've heard of the notorious Bonnie & Clyde. Well, so have I and that's what gave me the idea to involve my boyfriend - Lame. We will go down in historical blog fiction as Lily and Lame. We will be known as the "Lamest of all Looters." At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to involve him since that would mean sharing the loot, and as you will see further down, he DID, indeed, want to do that. But it's nice to have an accomplice, for a few reasons: 1. Two brains are better than one...in our case two brains equal one. But you take what you can get....literally, I guess, when you're in the robbery business. 2. You need a "Fall Guy", you know, someone to do the dirty work and take the blame. That's where Lame came in handy until he fell lame with a cold but, bless his heart, he was still willing to be an active participant, so active that he activated himself into the position of the one who would break and enter. The one downside of having said accomplice is that he wants to share in the booty, bounty, or bucks in our case...Granny Bucks.

And....that, my dear readers {all 3 of you}, should give you a clue as to whose idea it was to break into a bank in the first place. You know, usually in a situation like we found ourselves in, someone provides the brains and the tools as aforementioned for breaking into a bank. Granny provided....Ta Da.....THE BANK!

Well, all's well that ends well, unless of course tears well up in your eyes because you're not doing very well at breaking into the bank, and you fall into a well because you can't see well enough to stay clear of the well. But, I digress. All DID end well, unless of course you fall....Lame got out of his sick bed long enough to break and enter after I had fixed myself up and exited to go teach my RS lesson. His tool of choice was a kitchen knife, which, probably occurred to him while he was buttering a piece of toast. When I returned home, the bucks were easily accessible, Lame was celebrating his success by having a food binge, and like I said, All's Well That Ends Well, unless of course....

Eulogy To The Max

2010-10-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

We've met here today to say a last goodbye to Max. His was a horrible demise. I won't go into details but it involved gas, bloating, distended stomach syndrome, sleepless nights, periodic brain stall malady, heart palpitations...those were my symptoms, not his, just to clarify things. His symptoms were excessive caffeine content, carbonation overdose, and ginseng addiction. And so his departure became inevitable.

He led a good life, giving of himself unceasingly to me, and providing all of the above whenever I wanted to be in pain. He was so selfless and made himself available both day and night, any time, any place. I couldn't keep my hands off of him, and my lips made contact with the refreshing, cool mouth of his bottle much too frequently. He always looked appealing and seductive, his color was good until the end, and he never lost his taste. He was bubbly even as he was being placed in the coffin.

He did not live in vain and will be remembered fondly. I know I will have unbearable cravings for him. He will be in my dreams, in my waking hours, and in my thoughts until my detox program is completed. I will think of him as I wrench in longing to feel him in my hands, stumble to the refrigerator only to remember that he is gone, and day dream of all the time we spent together. Does anyone have a tissue?

One happy thought in closing: Perhaps he will be resurrected in the near future!

Write Or Left, What Is The Question?!!!

2010-10-11T16:45:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking:

If I hurt my right hand, which I write with, and all I had left to write with was my left hand, which I can't really write with, but in trying to do so, I got a cramp in my left hand which was the only hand I had left with which to write, how would I write to all the people I have left on my Write To Right Away List? Since I'd have to right this wrong, having not written to them in a long time and would have to use the time I had left today, would it be all right or would it be wrong to get someone else to write to all those who were left to write to?

Perhaps it wouldn't be wrong to write, so to speak, with the one thing I had left at my disposal, which is right in front of me...my computer. But, technically speaking, that would not be writing, so would it be wrong or write, to, in a sense, write a note on something that is not really considered writing? Write or wrong, What is the question?

Janis And I WERE NOT There

2010-10-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

"Several fire trucks responded to the Macy's department store at 111 N. State St. this afternoon for a report of a fire, but it turned out someone mistook steam for smoke when they called authorities, a fire official on the scene said."

Those are the details. The hypothesis {what does that word mean exactly?}is that had Janis and I been there, my OCD most likely would have kicked in and I would have felt it my duty to save the day. After all, my glasses had rain drops all over them so my vision was worse than usual, considering my Chronic Dry Eye condition, which may I say is a pain in the SASS, and Janis was wandering aimlessly by herself in the purse department taking photos. A hypothesis within a hypothesis is that had she been watching over me, her logic would have kicked in and the whole fiasco could have been avoided. But who of you, OCD or not, would have seen clearly enough to distinguish steam from smoke under the aforementioned conditions? Notta, I dare say.

That's our hypothesis {I'm beginning to like that word} and we're stickin' to it.

Love, Lily
Wannabe Hero

Caution! Hard Head Recommended

2010-10-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Lily Is NOT Happy

Sometimes you just have to be hard headed to deal with the random insults that fall on you in this life. As you can see from the above embarrassing exhibition caught in secret on a hidden camera, I don't have one. But, look what I have to deal with:

I tried to access a website last night and it said I was "FORBIDDEN" to view it. I'm thinking "What did I ever do to her, and how did I ever get on this lady's hit list?" After all, I just liked one of her crochet patterns and thought it would be fun to make it. INSULT!!!

Last week, I was mentioning to a friend at church that my sister had been visiting the week before. She said "Yea, I didn't know if that was your daughter or your sister." Ouch! INSULT!!!

I missed going to the temple a couple of weeks for, what I thought were legitimate reasons...family, family, family...and, I almost forgot, my temple recommend expired. I received a letter from the temple presidency Wednesday stating that they have been short staffed on my shift a few times and that the temple should take priority over other things. Oh, and they did mention that temple workers used to be called by the First Presidency, indicating that it is an important calling. I can't really call this an insult but it is still included in the Hard Head Area because it was a blow to my self esteem. I was hoping Glenn would get one in the mail the next day which would assure me that it was sent out to everyone, but he didn't and it wasn't. I'll try harder to neglect my family in the future. All together now: "You're going to hell!"

I have bracelets for sale on Etsy and I keep checking to see if anyone new has chosen my site as a "Favorite", or perhaps liked a bracelet enough to make it a "Favorite". But...NO not me. Other sites have noted that "1000 people say this is a favorite" and most have sold oh, about 10,000 products. Can you say "Hard Head Area"! Give me a freakin' break.

And so, once again, I leave you from the lakes region {Long Lake, Round Lake, Wooster Lake, Fox Lake, Grayslake, Gurnee :o ) }of the Chicago Area, with sadness in my heart, tears in my eyes, and zero self esteem...and a Not So Hard Head... And this:

Well, isn't this just my life. The inspirational closing thought that I copied and pasted didn't copy nor did it paste. Is the whole world against me? Is this a conspiracy? Can I not catch a break?

Love,

Little Soft Headed Lily

YOUR INNER SELF

Nothing will be of any use to you unless you have the capacity within yourself to know it and accept it. Peace, love, beauty, success and fulfillment have meaning to you only when they have meaning within you.

It is by knowing yourself that you can know all else. It is through nurturing love and goodness within you that you can experience love and goodness in the world around you.

To be at peace with the way things are, be at peace with the way you are. To be confident in the affairs of the world, nurture confidence within the stillness of your inner self.

The reality that matters is the reality that has meaning and resonance within you. What you see, what you experience, and what you live, all come from who you are.

If you feel that something is missing in your life, turn inward. Find and nurture it there.

Make a beautiful place for yourself within yourself. Then let that beauty flow out through all that is.

-Ralph Marston-

SincereLily Yours: Fall Into Autumn Editiion

2010-10-04T07:47:00.001-07:00

Awesome Autumn

I absolutely love this time of the year. Having made it through another humid Chicago summer, the cool breezes blowing through my hair feel so refreshing. It makes me think of the time we spent in New England where the trees in autumn are spectacular. One time we were driving home from a Zone Conference with Elder Spencer Condie at this time of year. He glanced at a tree on the side of the tollway and said "President Hansen, could we stop for a minute and thank Heavenly Father for that tree?" As I think about that incident I'm reminded that so many times I live in this beautiful world but neglect to give thanks for it's beauty. When will I ever learn to keep God's blessings uppermost in my mind?

And just as each leaf changes in it's own due time, I'm reminded that WE each go through seasons of change in our lives and change in ours and the Lord's time. We may not go through our transitions as gracefully as the trees do, but change we DO and MUST. As painful as it may be at times, it is part of His plan.

God, Up Ahead

"Ever get the feeling you're somewhere out in front of God as you move through your week? Do you somehow have the idea that He's behind you, armed with dustpan and broom, ready to do a cleanup job on you and your problem. Perhaps you imagine Him with a bottle of glue, standing a few paces back, ready to pick up the broken pieces of your life and put it back together again. Ever feel that way? As though God's principle activity in your life is to come along behind and throw you a rope after you've fallen headlong into an unexpected pit? He doesn't push you out ahead, backing you up with a mop bucket and a box of Band Aids. No, He leads us, stepping out ahead...preparing, planning, going before, leading and guiding you every step of the way."

-Joni Eareckson Tada, "Glorious Intruder-

Easy Bundt Cake Pumpkin

Double your favorite cake recipe {we all know it comes in a box} and bake in two fluted bundt pans. When cool, place one of the cakes on a plate with the rounded side down, and place the second cake on top of the first, flat side down. Put a flat-bottom ice cream cone over the hole on top. Frost the cake with orange frosting and the cone with green frosting. Use candy or frosting to make eyes and mouth.

You Can't Judge A Tree Until You've See All It's Seasons

A fable tells of an ancient Persian king who wanted to discourage his four sons from making rash judgments. At his command, the eldest made a winter journey to see a mango tree. Spring came and the next eldest was sent on the same errand. Summer followed and the third son went. When the youngest boy had returned from his autumn visit, the king called them together to describe the tree.

The first said, "It looks like a burnt old stump." The second disagreed, describing it as lovely in lacy green; the third declared it's blossoms as beautiful as a rose. The fourth said all were wrong. "It's fruit is like a pear."

"Each is right", the king said, "for each of you saw the tree in a different season."

And so it is that when we hear another's thoughts or see their actions we should withhold judgment until we are certain that we've "seen the tree in all it's seasons."

HAVE A FABULOUS FALL

A Disturbing Discovery

2010-09-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

Something just hasn't seemed right since Janis left. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, or maybe I should say I haven't had occasion to put my finger on it. But to my dismay, as I walked into the guest bathroom, which bathroom Janis, being my guest, used while here, I put my finger on what was wrong.

To say the least, I experienced utter shock and dismay a s I saw the position of the toilet paper roll. I not only explained to her after her first visit that we put the roll on so the paper comes off the top, but I posted a note for her at the beginning of her latest visit telling her to ask for assistance if the roll needed to be replaced. I will give her credit for asking me if I trusted her to change the roll, but in my little pea brain mind I ASSUMED that she would follow directions given her in that long ago blog post. To ASSUME was my first mistake, but seeing that we have a club which incorporates the first 3 letters of the above word, I told myself that I shouldn't be surprised that she acted like one.

Being the owner of our new Club House in Hobble Creek Canyon, I feel it my privilege and duty to write in the bylaws that she will no longer be allowed access to fresh toilet paper rolls. Unless she agrees to a tutorial every time one needs to be changed, it will be "hands off", of course until she uses the commode and needs to put hands on said roll.

Yours until someone, who shall remain named...Janis, figures out the toilet paper procedure.

Little Disappointed LilyWrong

Right

Lily Living Life Loosely

2010-09-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

Taking A Break From Crocheting

First of all, maybe I should define "loosely". My morals are still in tact, so they're not loose. I'm still eating chocolate and ice cream, so my clothes aren't loose. My joints are still stiff so they're not loose. So, I'm not sure why I made the statement that I was living life loosely unless it's because I HAVE NO LIFE! I guess that's living as loosely as possible. So let me ponder what is loose.....

My house cleaning skills are loose. So loose I've lost them. I cleaned the master bathroom this morning...at least the floor. I got my Swiffer and it took 6 wet pads to mop the floor. It hadn't been done for so long that dust and dirt kept accumulating on the Mopper...I don't want to give Swiffer any more free advertising. I washed the rugs...they looked dark brown but they're actually beige now.

My SSSS {please refer to a previous blog to refresh your memory as to just how troubled I really am} is on the loose and running rampant. Don't ask me what I'm stressed about because remember I HAVE NO LIFE.

My AADD {Double A Double D}, painfully experienced by me as Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, got loose as soon as I started trying to prepare my RS Lesson for this Sunday. I try to fit it in whenever I'm not crocheting, which is rarely. I just don't give a crap about doing it right now, but will when Sunday morning rolls around.

My OCD is so loose it's off the charts....not really, but it's loose enough that it keeps coming back to bug me often. I'd like to get IT on a leash, take it for a walk, and leave it some place far away. But it would probably still find it's way back to me.

Well, my break is about over...as you can see from my picture I'm enjoying it tremendously. But I must get back to living the life I don't have. I'm going to go crochet, loosely, of course, for a while. Then, if I must, I'll force myself to read my lesson.

Love, Loose Lily

Lily Experiencing Sadness In Fox Lake

2010-09-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

My sister's gone, the fun is over and it's back to the old routine, the old me, the old obsessive compulsive me, the old senile me, the old crochet my brains out me, the old "have to get a RS lesson" me, the me being old all day every day. What am I to do?

Okay, I feel better now. Wet, but better....that sounds strange doesn't it? How can wet be better. Oh, well, you figure it out.

A couple of memories from Janis' visit that prove it's NOT good to have to go back to the OLD me.

*After having driven Janis and myself to the train station in the PT, driving us to Christy's one night, driving to some stores a few times, we got ready to go to yet another store on another day, and I turned to Janis and said: "You haven't ridden in the PT yet, have you?" I was dead serious, dead brain dead, dead over-the-top flaky, dead wrong. You figure it out!

* When we dropped her off at the airport and said our good-byes, I said: "Air mail me when you get home, okay?" So, is air mail faster than email? You figure it out!

So we have come to end of the 2nd Annual Meeting of the SASS Club. Fun times will be relived in our minds, chuckles will be heard by others when there's really nothing funny going on around us...as we recall things that were said that still crack us up, Pepsi Max bottles lay empty and forlorn in the recycle bin haven given of themselves to us, many times when we weren't even thirsty but just needed something in our hand as it went to our mouth out of pure habit. Next June, July, or August we will meet at the Hobble Creek Club House for our retreat. Can't wait, Janis.

Love, Lily

A Tired Lily Learns Life Changing Lessons

2010-09-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

The first lesson I learned is: Never believe what Janis writes in her blog recounting her experience in Chicago. She had a wonderful, maaaavelous, unforgettable time....and I should know because it was because of me that she had it. And Person A and Person B are totally ficticious {how in the h--- do you spell that word?} characters that she made up to protect the guilty.

As I remember, it was a cool, bright sunny day when we hopped in the PT and headed for the parking lot at the train station. The most beautiful day in the history of tracking weather in Chicago...oh, wait, I just experienced one of my moments where I try to put a positive spin on everything so I will attract positive things into my life...it was a stinkin', rainy, blustery, cold, day in hell...I mean Chicago. Now, are you happy? I'm telling the truth and attracting bad weather into my personal space.

But I digress. Back to the lessons I learned.

*Whenever I go to Chicago and end up in Union Station, I should remember Adam Wacker. We DID talk about him quite a bit after we got off the train and headed for Macy's. He, in fact, became the topic of our conversation much of the time. We would be talking about something else and all of a sudden I would just blurt out "Remember Adam Wacker!" And we met Madison again, whom we developed a relationship with the last time we went to Chicago. Her name came up frequently also in phrases like "We want Madison", "We went to Madison", "We passed Madison".
*Talk to every stranger that you see, asking questions indicating you don't know where you've been, where you're going, or how you're to get back. That way you will be the target of every deranged Chicagoan.
*It's okay to take a Diet Coke drink into Walgreens, ask your sister to hold it while you're looking for souvenirs to take back to Utah, and expecting her not to take a sip now and then.
*When going through a revolving door, it doesn't work for 2 people to go in at the same time, in the same space...even though one of them is just trying to have a close relationship with her sister.
*Remember the guys at the train station that see you don't know which train to get on and are so helpful and tell you, expect a tip. Otherwise they wouldn't be so helpful and will yell obscenities at you the whole time you're walking down the track. At least that's what we assumed they were saying....we couldn't understand a word they said.
*Don't let your visiting sister bring her camera when you go to Chicago. I DO believe the security dudes in Macy's were after her for taking pictures of every red purse in the store, but instead they stopped some innocent, unsuspecting suspect and questioned him. Said sister was hiding at the time as you'll notice she professed in HER blog that she wasn't aware of the whole situation. Can we say "DENIAL"!
*REMEMBER....it's a stinkin', freakin' long trip home from the Windy City. Don't go down there more than once a year.

And so......it's the end of an era. From now on the SASS Club Annual Retreat will be at our cabin in Hobble Creek Canyon. CAN'T WAIT!

Yours until the knees, feet, hips, and back heal from over excertion, exsertion, exchurtion, exertion,
Lily

Lily Experiences Drastic Weight Loss

2010-09-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, The Trauma of It All

What I am about to tell you will shock you as much as it did me {and as you can see from the above picture I was pretty shocked...so shocked that I had to put my hand on my forehead} so everybody sit down, unless you don't mind falling on your face while reading this blog.

It was early morning, THIS morning, in fact, now that I think about it. The day started out sunny and cool. I had over eaten last night, wonder of wonders, so had a bit of a over hang {not hang over} in the vicinity of my stomach.

Soon after arising, I dressed myself {I'm still able to do that even with over hangs}, and surprisingly my pants didn't feel THAT tight. Of course I had worn them a couple of times since they were washed and dried, so there had been some stretching going on as I had tugged and pulled to get them on those couple of times. But may I say that I was still quite pleased at the way they fit.

After having my SlimFast Shake with watered down nonfat milk, which I have entertained you with in a prior blog, I was off to get a blood test for my never ending yo, yo-ing thyroid condition. Arriving at the lab site, I walked gingerly in basking in the looseness of said pants. And I was wearing my prescription sunglasses so I looked pretty cool, if you'll indulge me and let me brag a bit. Upon entering the lab, I realized that I had my aforementioned sunglasses on and that I had forgotten to bring my regular glasses in with me. I wasn't about to go back out to the car and get them, so I informed the technician that I wasn't in disguise, but had just been a bit forgetful. Out of the sincerity of my heart, I pulled my glasses down a bit so she could look into my eyes and see that I was telling the truth. She replied that it didn't bother her a bit that I had them on. So...I was able to stay looking cool during the whole procedure.

Blood drawing completed, {sounds barbaric doesn't it?} I proceeded to the elevator down to the first floor. Pushed the button, doors closed, heard a weird noise so started to panic as I always do on elevators unless it is dead silent and there are no "chains clanging" noises. Looked towards the floor contemplating my death, then all seemed quiet so looked up, and saw the "CAPACITY" sign. It was clear, it was plain, there was no question about it...it showed that the capacity of the elevator was 50 pounds!!! Halelujia, {I know that's not spelled correctly but I could care less}. The weight limit of this box on chains was 50 pounds and it was taking me effortlessly down to the 1st floor from the 2nd floor. Why, I thought, I've lost 300 lbs. Boy, did that make my day. I have been singing and dancing {don't think about it, it's not pretty considering I still had the over hang} all day.

So the moral of this story is: Whenever you're feeling fat, come visit me and we'll go for a ride on that elevator.

Lovely, Lily {whoops, I mean Love, Lily}

PLEASE SCROLL TO BOTTOM OF PAGE FOR MY MINI ETSY SHOP ITEMS

2010-09-06T15:17:00.001-07:00

Lily Diagnosed With SSSS {Pronounced SSSS}

2010-09-04T19:55:00.001-07:00

I have determined that I am suffering from Severe Senior Stress Syndrome. My symptoms are waking up every morning realizing that I'm going to die someday. Even though I am self-diagnosing I feel I am qualified because no doctor, in his right mind, or with any amount of education, would come close to determining what I KNOW I have.

I think the onset occurred on my 65th birthday...thus the "Senior" part of the diagnosis. Medicare became part of my life and my vocabulary..."I'm on Medicare",I proudly state, like I'm part of an elite group. Ever since then I have been obsessed with the fact that my days on earth on limited. Perhaps it's good to have this awakening so that I will do the things that make my life more meaningful.

So...what would those things be, I am asking myself on a regular basis. Many of my answers are things that are out of my comfort zone, such as interacting with others more often, being a better friend, or putting forth the effort to impact someone else's life through service.

Some things I should be doing are things I would just rather not do, or let's say I'd rather crochet than do them....reading books, scriptures, conference talks, Ensigns, etc.

Sharon's comment in one of my recent blogs, helped me to have an epiphany of sorts. I've found the solution to my dilemma and now know what my goal should be in the years I have left: If I can work on subduing my "natural woman" and strive to strengthen my spirit, it affects every decision I make. If my spirit rules my body I will automatically do those things that will bring me closer to Christ and help me make the most of each day.

For what it's worth, I pass this insight on to you. Perhaps you also have a case of Severe Senior Stress Syndrome.
Love, Lily

Lily: Poster Woman For Insanity

2010-09-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

Lily At The End Of Another Day Of Trying Not To Binge On Chocolate

I know you've all heard it: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That describes me to a T, Tee, Tea. So it came as no surprise when I was approached by the Association For The Insane {AFTI} to be their Poster Woman.

My gut feeling is that they've never known anyone who looked the part, acted the part, lived the part, and whose actions totally exemplified the insanest of the insane. And so, it is with a tremendous amount of pride {I know you're not supposed to be prideful, but I am, and my pride is bursting at the seams...or is that my clothing that's doing that?}

So, you may be asking yourselves, what dimension of insanity is Lily being recognized for. Well, surprise, surprise, it's my eating habits. Let me give you a detailed example of my daily food intake:

Wake up in the morning and am NOT going to eat sugar today. And to prove it to myself I guzzle down a SlimFast Shake, milk diluted with water to cut down on calories.
Midmorning...I watch the clock and when it's 10:00 Central Standard Time, I have lowfat yogurt mixed with low calorie instant oatmeal. Gulp, it's gone.
Lunch is usually a peanut butter sandwich, and while I skimp on the Peanut Butter...that I put on the bread, that is...I eat a couple of tablespoons full off the knife, which doesn't count because it's not part of the sandwich yet...I overdose on the sugar free jam that I slop on top.
Sometimes I have a pasta salad and with each bite I mentally calculate how many calories it must have and feel guilty about the whole experience.
Feeling pretty good about what I've eaten, at about 3:00 I get a craving for sugar. I don't give in, try a health bar instead, and can't focus on anything but the chocolate that's in Glenn's binge drawer. Sometimes I resist...let's hear it for me!
At night I might have another SlimFast shake, watered down, and become filled with pride {hey I admitted already that I'm proudful}. But the drawer is still a little cartoon above the brain in my head. Can't stop thinking of it.
I begin to reason with myself, which isn't easy since I'm insane, that I have been good all day and maybe I'll just have one little piece of chocolate. After all, my psychiatrist told me that would be better than binging...honest, she told me I should have some chocolate during the day...did I say that I love her?
Then it's as if I'm in a dream state...standing in front of the drawer...bending down...opening it...getting 3 pieces of chocolate...okay now I've blown it...I'll start again tomorrow...pick up the BIG Hershey Bar as if I'm in a trance...eat the whole thing, hiding the wrapper so Glenn won't see it.
Note to self: Go buy a BIG Hershey Bar tomorrow so Glenn won't see that one is missing.
Insane or devious...you decide.

Back To School Is Cool At Any Age

2010-08-30T07:39:00.001-07:00

Lily's Teacher Is Dumbfounded At Her Dumbness

I've noticed over the years that there's always a different feeling in the air when the kids go back to school after a long, hot summer. Everything seems more calm. Maybe because you can't hear them screaming at each other, the stores are less congested, and there are fewer people in line at Dairy Queen. Another thing I've noticed is that I feel like they're all getting smarter and I'm getting dumber.

Because I am not required by law to attend school any more, I've been thinking that I should put my motivation in a backpack, some Pepsi Max in a lunch box, crack open a few books, and engage my brain in some serious home schooling.

At least I'm smart enough to know I'm dumb. And who knows if I would even know that if I didn't have my Smart Card. I can't bring myself to even go there.

So join me in a Fall Course of "You Can Decrease Your Dumbness". Pick a book and let's do it. Going back to school is cool no matter what age you are.

Love, Lily

Car Plus Sitting In It Equals

2010-08-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

CAR

+
SITTING IN IT FOR 2800 MILES
=

That's what happened when I tried to get up out of my computer chair! Now I have to buy all new clothes, will roll around wherever I go, and will have a harder time getting in and out of the car...if I ever get in one again.

We had a great trip other than what you see above. I'll recap:

Drank Diet Coke beyond the legal limit.
Ate sausage burritos from Macs...se senor...no comprehendo..no speaka de espanol.
Bought a cabin in Hobble Creek Canyon...yipee...we're so excited...talked about getting a pick up truck all the way home. Everything just fell into place and it seems that our lives are being directed by someone other than us.
Told the Heaths that they have to get outta dodge next May.
Had a great Missionary Reunion...nearly all of them had a one year old child.
Had a GREAT trip to Malad...oh, what memories....with Janis and Alan. The brown topper was too good and worth the wait.
Janis figured out how to fix my blog...I owe you kiddo.
Decided to put our townhouse on the market in the near future...pray that it will sell at the right time...close to April or May of next year.
Crocheted, crocheted, crocheted...with the dog's head on my lap most of the time. By the way, Basha is so glad to be home. She probably was thinking that was the longest trip to the groomers ever, and when she found out she wasn't going to the groomers but just on a long hot trip, she was relieved.

Now there's only 3 more weeks until Janis comes here to visit. Can't wait!!!! It will be our first annual meeting of the SASS Club. We'll have to draw by the by-laws and whatever else an official fictitious club has to have to make it officially fictitious.

The diet started today!

What Did I Ever Do To Photobucket?

2010-07-28T08:24:00.001-07:00

Now my whole blog background has been deleted or moved or whatever it says. Can you see it on your end? I must have offended someone at Photobucket, right? It's always my fault, remember? So Janis, I NEED YOU OUT HERE SOON! I vow to never publish another post until I can get my background back, so unless someone helps me, look at all you'll miss out on.

SincereLily Yours Summer In The City

2010-07-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

Caught Ya!

Lily, Lily, Lily, How many times have we told you not to go out in your pajamas with a daisy fan in your hand and a fan on your beanie! What's that cooling off? The overworked mass inside your head? We understand it's "Hot town, summer in the city,
Back of my neck gettin' dirt-'n'-gritty, Bend down, isn't it a pity, Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city, All around people lookin' half dead, Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match-head", {as the song goes}, but try to maintain a little pride.

No one wants to see you like that. They have the image of you as a beautiful, maturing {rapidly} woman, who has recently purchased so many t-shirts that all the little factory workers have had to work overtime to produce them all.

They envision you relaxing on your chaise lounge ingesting Maxine after Maxine after Maxine. Why I heard the recycle garbage guy had a stroke when he saw all the empty bottles until he realized that you were probably just unselfishly forcing yourself to drink said beverage so that the empties could be recycled into pressed-into-shape park benches for the homeless people in Chicago to sleep on. What a trooper you are! Always thinking of others.

But I digress...Lily, Lily, Lily, pull yourself together. It's time for the summer addition {yes, I meant to spell it that way} of the SincereLily Yours Newsletter. Come on in and let's get started.

"...back of the unfurled flags is the heritage that is ours...the courage and sacrifice of the fight for independence, the work of devoted minds in setting up a government for free men {and women}, the joys and pains in the growing of a great country 'under God'. That country is ours, but America can only be as strong as we make her. We must care enough to gird her continually against the termites of apathy and sabotage within. Were we to lose the freedom that we have, what wouldn't we give to have it back.

Our fathers really cared. Can we do less?"

-Esther York Burkholder-

Betty Crockpotter

Souper Summer Soup

Place 2 cups orange juice in a bowl. Add one half cup vanilla yogurt. Add 1 T. honey and 2 t. lemon juice. Whisk together. In individual bowls put 1/2 sliced banana, any kind of berries or other fruit of your choosing, and ladle souper soup over the fruit. Voila! A light and refreshing dish for a hot summer day.

Ima Thinker

Would you stop for a minute and consider some very penetrating questions: What are you doing with your life? Are you satisfied? Are you fulfilling your potential? Have you learned your mission in life? Where do you stand in your relationship to God?

You owe it to yourself to develop your full potential as a woman, to exercise your intellectual capacities, to enlarge upon your talents and skills and to improve your spirituality. No where in the world will you be treated with greater dignity, be given more trust and be entrusted with greater responsibility than in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Be strong in the Church. It needs you and you need it. True happiness and complete development can only be found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

HAVE A GREAT REST OF THE SUMMER!

Explanation of "Crap" Post

2010-06-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, everyone, I'm fine. I was just frustrated with my blog {still can't figure out how to change the color of the fonts} and my life is hectic right now. I've had something to do every day and most nights this week. If you REALLY know me, you are aware of the fact that I prefer to spend my days and night sleeping and crocheting, with intermittent periods of wasting time on the computer. If you don't REALLY know me, shame on you!

Monday we had a workman here for 6 hours redoing our entrance. That afternoon we had to drive an hour each way to meet with a loan officer because we are refinancing our home at a lower rate. Tuesday night I made another attempt to overcome my addictions. Wednesday I had a physical (watch for upcoming blog), tonight I have to give a presentation on dealing with changes in your life (what a great example I am) for Enrichment, and Sunday I have to give my lesson in RS.

I ran to the cleaners this morning, went to get my hair cut but the girl that does it decided not to come in, went to fax something to the loan officer, took shirts to the cleaners, got a drink at Burger King (what a drag that is, huh Christy), took the dog for a walk, and now am going to read my talk one more time for tonight.

So, other than that, nothing's going on in my life.
The only highlights have been seeing Christy and Tyler.

Thanks for your concern. I do appreciate it. And thanks for listenin'.

Lily

Let's Get Physical

2010-06-23T19:01:00.000-07:00

Now, see. This is why I'm so crapped out! Why did it put this post below an old one?&%@#$. What the hell is going on here!

By Huma Iliated

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! Did I mention I hate it? Having a physical makes me physically ill....poking and prodding, pushing, pulling...and that's just me trying to get my clothes off. But at least I'm doing it to myself and no foreign fingers are assaulting me.

I've never been arrested, but I think what happened to me today was the equivalent of a full body search. Every square inch of my body was under scrutiny, and not under the softness of candlelight. Oh, no! Florescent lights full blast which bring out the essence of purple on my legs, the sunlight yellow softness of my aging skin, robust ruddiness of the broken veins on my face.

I've been going to my doctor for almost 40 years, so yes, I have no secrets. She feels pretty comfortable with me too. She asked me if my bladder leaks when I sneeze or cough, and I said "Yes." Sorry, but it's true. She asked me if I could control it if I tried. I said "no". Sorry, but it's true too. She said "I can". So I'm thinking "Woohoo. Good for you!" She told me about an exercise I could do every time I stop at a red light to tighten up my little ole' bladder. So if you ever pull up next to me in your car and I'm all red in the face, you'll know I'm doing the Better Bladder Control isometric exercise.

Okay, I admit it...I have large ankles. She always checks them and says she thinks it's just fat, not a water retention problem...thank you for making my day. Then she checked the pulse on each one and announced that she was unable to find it on my left ankle. So, I'm assuming that ankle is dead.

I had lost 15 lbs in the last 18 months. Another "Woohoo". At that rate, by the time I die, I will have lost 20.

She has an anorexic nurse, which always makes YOU seem larger than life, but she was soooo funny. When she weighed me and told me about the 15lb. loss she said "I think that's the most pounds I've ever seen a patient lose". She told me she liked the colors I was wearing...purples and pinks mainly. I told her I love those colors and then pointed to the postage stamp size thingee they give you to cover yourself up with during the totally nude portion of the physical. It was pink. She said "Would you like to take that home with you? I could put it in a brown bag and no one will know what it is." I left it there...it was all wrinkley after I had tried to push and pull on it to cover my body in all the places where things were exposed.

In the words of Olivia Newton John:

"Let's get physical, physical,
I wanna get physical, let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk,
Your body talk, let me hear your body talk."

My body was doin' a whole lotta talking as Dr. Hodgman and I "got physical".

Crap!

2010-06-23T05:27:00.001-07:00

That sums up my life as of this moment in time.

Blog Under Construction

2010-06-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Watch for falling heads.
Iman Idiot was sick of the old blog design. He THOUGHT, that being the operative word, he knew how to download a new one. Take a look at the blog and vote on whether you think he has a clue. I thought it was appropriate that there are birds flying away, however. I'll give him credit for that.

The Birds...The Leakquel

2010-06-15T16:34:00.001-07:00

And so we have said a fond {yeah, right} farewell to Buddy & Holly who flew off into the pouring rain never to return. We left the cage outside with the door open and a "Not Welcome" mat giving them a chance to change their minds about going to seek their fortunes at some other unfortunate human's home, but alas, they declined our offer. Perhaps it was the strong language on the mat.

But wait...the non-existent plot of this story thickens. While attending a birthday celebration in his honor, Glenn let it slip that his crime was premeditated. He started talking like a leaky water faucet that can't stop dripping {thus making this post the "Leakquel".} "While lying in bed Sunday morning, the morning of the escape, the wheels in my church history factoid brain started turning and I devised a sinister plan: Since the birds keep knocking their food container to the floor of the cage, which is really ticking me off, and since my not feeding them in retaliation has not been effective, why don't I just open the cage door and see what they do {wink, wink}.

I will give them a choice...stay cooped up in a small, but beautiful Victorian cage, with an owner who punishes us for our playful, but spiteful pranks, or fly off into the sunrise {it was morning} to find our little niche in this big, expansive universe."

They put their little beaks together...

and in less than a second their decision was made....to get the h--- out.

And so we see that the saga of The Birds flying the coop was not a spur of the moment decision, but a sinister plan to make it look like an accident! Oh, the horror!

Perhaps by now they have discovered that it was indeed, a trick to fool them into leaving. Maybe they are thinking they didn't have it so bad after all...the cage was rather nice, we had a ladder to climb on and a bell to ring...we did have morsels of food on the floor. Oh, and yes, the view of the kitchen blinds was okay, and being stuck in the corner? We could have lived with that. Oh, what have we done, what have we done.

They have been gone for 3 days, most likely have not found even a morsel of food, and are huddling in a rain soaked tree somewhere, possibly in a neighborhood near you. And so I warn you to watch the skies and your heads, because there are two pretty pissed off birds seeking revenge on humans.

The Birds, by Alfreda Witchcock

2010-06-13T09:10:00.001-07:00

Alfreda Witchcock

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"...oh, sorry, {cackle, cackle} wrong story.

"There was good news, there was bad news". And so begins the Tale of Two Cities...whoops, wrong story again...what the h---! Why can't I get my stories straight? {that's what the investigators asked me when they interrogated me.}

Therefore, I present to you, dear readers and interrogators "The Saga Of The Birds."

"There was good news and bad news."
My hatred of the birds did not begin in the beginning. {I repeated those words on purpose..I am an experienced writer, after all}. It crept up on me gradually...that awful feeling of disdain. No, in the beginning I thought they were so cute and loved the "tweet, tweet" of their chirping which they did as they flew with fluttered wing, {which later bugged the h--- out of me}.

Then I began to notice that they crapped quite a bit, then they began to crap from here to high heaven {in case you're not as well educated as I am and are not familiar with that phrase, it means they crapped an enormous amount} crap, crap, crap...that seemed to be their whole life. They lived crap, they ate crap, they slept crap, they pooped crap...crap, crap, crap. However, I dutifully, and out of love, cleaned up all the crap day in and day out.

I think the turning point for me was when I noticed they were crapping on the nearby wall. In my shock, I uttered aloud "What the crap! They're crapping on the wall! How in the crap do they do that?" After a cursory investigation I came to the conclusion that they were crapping as they flew and because of the strong tail wind, it threw the crap outside the cage and onto said wall. Now not only did I have to clean the cage but I had to wash down the kitchen wall as well.

After a period of time I convinced my husband that he should take care of the birds and I would take care of the dog. I neglected to tell him about their crapping habits {hee, hee, hee}. He fell for it, and he became the "keeper of the birds." Because he's quite an astute dude, he caught onto my deceptive prank soon after and started to vocalize his displeasure. I suggested one day that we give them away, and he said "No, no, no. I love those birds."

I saw it creeping in gradually...the tide was turning in his affection towards them. They got in the habit of knocking their feeding dish on the floor of the cage, so to teach them a lesson, he wouldn't fill it as often and they were forced to eat the food OFF the floor...we do that often in our home, so he thought it normal enough.

One pleasant morning, he placed the birdcage outside on the patio table, as he was wont to do when the weather allowed. As I was blowing my hair dry, he approached me and said "I have good news and bad news". I was waiting in fearful anticipation to hear the news. "WHAAAAAT", I bellowed {as I am wont to do when he says that to me}. "The birds are gone," he stated. "So what's the bad news?", I said with relief in my voice.

I then heard him tell the tale, with little emotion and a bit of a smirk on his face. He had opened the door to the cage and they both flew out! Go figure!

And so, detectives, that is my story and I'm sticking to it. And just a sidelight: I think when they were chirping and flying with fluttered wing is when they were swishing crap on the wall.